Growing Up

and allll the misconceptions about it

The backyard of my childhood home. Where a lot of “growing up” took place.

Growing up is not at all what I pictured it to be. Not that I pictured an initiation ceremony into adulthood or anything, but I definitely thought things would make more sense when I reached a certain level. or year. or time period of my life. A common mistake we make as humans arises from the way we view our future selves. Imagine yourself thinking about an upcoming vacation or upcoming event- when you actually view yourself in this scenario - it is almost as if you are picturing an entirely new being playing your role. A being that is more confident, more knowing, more prepared, or more beautiful. We create this separation between our current selves and our future selves, thinking surely that the future version of ourselves will think differently than they do now- in this very moment. But what I’ve come to find is that it’s false. It’s an incorrect way of viewing the future. Sure, you are always growing and changing. Your mind is forming new connections as you meet new people, gain new experiences, and enter different time periods of change. Yet ultimately- it’s still our same selves we are coming home to. Our parents are on this earth experiencing life for the first time, just as we are. Our little cousins, our teachers, our friends, and the strangers we pass on the street are all also just trying their best to figure it out. To make sense of time and aging and “becoming” something. We think that when we “grow up”, this future version of ourselves will somehow carry a basket full of new truths, as if we jumped a few chapters of our story and missed the part where all of the wisdom came from. But in real life we do not skip these chapters. We live through each one, in the very front seat of the show, feeling through the spectrum of emotions that come with each experience. We are not plopped from child to adult. There is no great big revelation. It is just simply being with ourselves as time passes by.

Because growing up is a universal experience for all human beings, there is much to be learned from those in different stages of it. Children show us the innocence, naivety, and simplicity of discovering new realities and coming into one’s own opinions and beliefs. Our elders give us perspective on life- illustrating how much can change and how much we can fully experience in our time on this earth. It is interesting to note that no matter how different one’s life is from the next, there will always be similarities to be found in the spectrum of emotions experienced. One of my favorite passages from “The Midnight Library” explains this concept as follows:

Of course, we can’t visit every place or meet every person or do every job, yet most of what we’d feel in any life is still available. We don’t have to play every game to know what winning feels like. We don’t have to hear every piece of music in the world to understand music. We don’t have to have tried every variety of grape from every vineyard to know the pleasure of wine. Love and laughter and fear and pain are universal currencies.

In my own life, I am fortunate enough to have a strong relationship with all four of my grandparents. While they are all super different from one another, they all share relatively similar values: family, humor, tradition, and quality time. I realize how lucky I am to not only have my grandparents be a part of my life, but to have them be truly present through every season of it. Getting to know them has helped me to better understand my own parents, and has also helped me better understand myself. This article is a tribute to them: Herb Rubin (Pop-Pop), Marylin Rubin (Grandma), Carla Goodstein (Bubbie), and David Goodstein (Zadie).

By interviewing all four grandparents privately, I was able to capture some really special answers to questions that I wonder about. The more you grow, the more you know. I find great value and perspective in understanding what moves people, especially those in different stages of life than I am. The following answers were some of my favorites.

• Generally in life, who or what has taught you the most?

Zadie- “My parents. My mother taught me about loving and my father taught me about doing.”

Grandma- “Children. They are a clean slate. They love you unconditionally. They dont have any bias and they are not insecure. They speak freely and I think that you can learn so much from them.”

Bubbie- “My mother. She taught me to take people the way that they are, not the way you want them.”

• What is one piece of advice you’d give to someone in their 20’s?

Bubbie- “Believe in yourself, be grateful for everything that you have, and just go for it" (She also offers the same advice for those in their 50’s, 60’s, or 70’s, saying that you can still do what you want to do at any age.)

• What is one piece of advice you’d give to someone in their 50’s?

Grandma- “Fill in the blank. It’s never too late to _____”

• What do you think it means to live a fulfilling life?

Grandma- “To love and be loved in return”

Pop-Pop- “Do what you want to do, not what somebody else wants you to do.”

Zadie- “It means to be true to yourself and to live a life of purpose and meaning. That means helping other people and being kind.”

• What is one of your happiest memories?

To this, all four of my grandparents collectively noted that their happiest memories were centered around raising their children.

Well actually- at first my Pop-Pop said it was “the chick he used to date” but I know he only said that to make me laugh.

• What are the most rewarding things about getting older?

Grandma- “Being able to bask in seeing my own grown children raising their happy and secure families.”

Pop-Pop- “As long as you have your health, getting older is okay.”

• How would you like to be remembered?

While my Bubbie answered- “For my artwork” my Zadie answered with- “I would just like to be remembered.” (as you can tell my Pop-Pop and Zadie love the jokes)

• Do you have any advice that you live by?

Grandma- “Know that you don’t have to be perfect- you can just be good.”

Pop-Pop- “You don’t always have to be right.”

So- my biggest takeaways:

You are never done growing up. You are never done learning. Look to those around you for perspective. Ask people questions. Observe your surroundings. Get to know yourself. Get to know others. We can find solace in the fact that everyone is just trying to figure things out. There is no right answer and no right way to do it.

Thank you for reading :)